IF – Balloon

She wanted a puppy.

First IF post.

IPhone 3G (in Canada!!)

Since it is all the rage in internet postings, and partly because tech gadgets are a personal passion of mine, I’ve decided to put in my two cents on the matter at hand — even though it really doesn’t have to do with anything.

So the announcement arrived June 9th (was there ANYONE out there who cares about this stuff but wasn’t silently yet fidget-edly waiting for the WWDC conference?). The big day is going to be July 11th. Partly disappointing, yet partly relieving — the former because a month seems so impossibly far away, and the latter because now I can set clear sights on a concrete date. Blah blah blah, new features (GPS! 3G!)

What made me almost pee in my pants this morning was finding out that you could purchase the iPhone from both Rogers AND Fido. I’m not really quite sure how many Fido users there are out there in our massive Canadian world (ha.) but this news is absolutely euphoria-inducing in its message for this select group. I’m sure many Fido subscribers would agree that Fido has always been lacking in their selection of devices for their customers (how many of you have just sat there while sleeker, prettier, more advanced phones whizzed by you and was available to all three other carriers in Canada while you were still punching away at those clunky 1999-esque keys on a phone double the size of the average cell phone on the market??).

Obviously this was the clear way to go to reach out to the largest market out there possible (yes, DEAL with the fact that the conglomerates are going to be making loads of money off you). Was Rogers (who owns both Rogers and Fido –common knowledge) unaware of this simple economic fact? Did they really not realize that they could *gasp* sell MORE phones and make more money by making it available to a wider market? Why did it take Apple to, well for lack of better words, clonk the Rogers people over the head hard enough so that they finally realized this fact?

I guess it doesn’t really matter anyways, seeing that now that I know Fido will be offering the phone, it eliminates 75% of my hesitation in purchasing one once it becomes available. I guess the days ahead will be filled with constant internet searches for new information regarding how the prices will look and what kind of data plan will be offered so that I can add on to my ever-increasing phone bill.

As a parting note, please stop harassing us on flights. I do NOT have to answer any personal questions. You acting sleazy will not get you in my good books. It just means I will probably wait longer to answer your call light.

The Chime.

I’m slowly discovering my pet peeves with this job. One of the most recent ones is ‘the chime’. You know, the one that comes on when the seat belt sign lights up and signals towards the impending landing of the aircraft.

No, it’s not the actual chime that I dislike. I actually really enjoy the chime. It tells me that I am basically about to finish my “shift”. No, what I hate is what the chime represents to the passengers. Apparently when the chime goes on, and the light illuminates, it does not mean return to your seats and remain seated (even though we explicitly explain this to everyone at the beginning of EVERY flight…maybe someone should do some research work on whether passenger’s memories become like that of goldfish as they forget almost immediately quite possibly EVERYTHING that we outline in detail and instruct them to do for the duration of the flight). The chime indicates for some reason or other that they should all get up and start a mile-long queue for the bathroom. Do you not feel the aircraft descending? Do you have superhuman ears that don’t feel the pressure? Is there ANY indication to you that we are about to arrive into your destination?

I have a theory. Remember Pavlov’s dogs?
He conditioned them to drool just at the sound of the bell ringing. Now who is the idiot who decided to condition these passengers? It’s definitely not the flight attendants. Or anyone that works up in the air really. This phenomenon is such an inconvenience to us.  We are already scrambling to clean up the unreal amount of garbage that was created by the pax during the flight (another phenomenon that I ponder at the termination of every flight).  In case you all haven’t noticed, the galley is not the largest area in the world.  Having to work around you guys standing around waiting for the bathroom while we are trying to secure everything for landing is not an easy task. Oh and thank you for filling the air with that intoxicating smell of airplane bathroom. It’s great. If not for the simple fact that it would prolong your stay in the bathroom, it makes me want to gag all over you.

I just want to put this out there: when the light illuminates and the chime goes off, it does NOT mean go to the bathroom. It means getting in your seats, fastening your seat belt, and holding that excrement for just FIVE minutes and you can go ahead and relieve yourselves in the terminal building.

And no, you CANNOT use the bathroom once we’re on the ground.  Seriously I’m going to hand out pamphlets that advertise adult diapers and phone numbers of local walk-in clinics, because if you really can’t hold your pee for 5 extra minutes (or if you had to go SO badly I’m pretty sure you had to go 15 minutes ago, but the neurons in your brain somehow misfired and thus you didn’t receive the alert message to go to the bathroom) you should either really consider investing in adult diapers or visiting a local clinic to get yourself checked out.

Escapees from Alcatraz.

Just had a San Francisco layover. Never been there before (maybe I should just say when I HAVE been somewhere before). It is such a beautiful city. We luckily caught some fantastic sunny weather (though still a bit chilly being by the water). It’s true: the hills there are actually ridiculous. They go every which way regardless of where you are. And there are literally 45 degree-angled ones.

We took the subway/transit system from the airport down to Powell station which is where you can get on the Trolley/Cable car. From there we took said cable car down to Fisherman’s Wharf. The ride is only around 20 minutes — having said that, the wait to get onto a trolley is a long one. I am told that the trolley is mainly a tourist attraction which explains the long wait. Unfortunately because our layover was rather short, we didn’t go on the Alcatraz tour even though we really wanted to. We got to take pictures of it though from the shore. Seeing it from there, it doesn’t seem that far away. And in my opinion those two escapees could have totally swam/rafted their way onto the mainland.

We got to see the Golden Gate Bridge as well, even if it was only a small speck/line in the distance. There is a beach right there on the wharf so if you really desired an afternoon dip (much too cold in my opinion), you have the option to go for one. A little bit further on the shore is the old Ghirardelli chocolate factory. Being heavily sleep deprived, even though we were specifically instructed to go there, we completely forgot. And I mean forgot to the point where I actually looked at the big “billboard-esque” sign boasting the company’s name and asked “I wonder what Ghirardelli is?” Rather sad I know. But it was okay, you are able to purchase the chocolate at a number of places, and I found out after that the factory is actually no longer a factory but just a glorified store-front to sell their product. Nevertheless, I will definitely go visit it the next time I am in the city — I mean, it’s chocolate after all!

If you get a chance, definitely go visit the city!!!

Cracktown.

“They must really like you.” Thanks cabby. That’s definitely what I want to hear at 5:30am on my way out to an Edmonton layover.

Of course, I am once again called out on a flight at 4:30am, but as I am told time and time again, I shouldn’t be expecting anything more than that, seeing that I AM categorized as the most junior, and henceforth holding absolutely no entitlement to anything other than the crappiest flights.

This is my life. I started working as a flight attendant for an unnamed company approximately 2 months ago. It kind of dropped into my lap, I applied not really thinking anything of it, but only that maybe it would be a nice opportunity to get travel perks, allowing me to travel the world (a definite dream of mine). I realize that I started this post off on a rather negative note, but in all honesty getting called for a flight in the middle of the night is the worse part of the whole sh-bang. I get to fly all over the world to shop (as I did at West Edmonton Mall this past layover), and I get to see the world at the same time.

This is hopefully just a venue for me to share some of my adventures with whomever wishes to spend some time here.

So: Cracktown. I have since my layover deemed Edmonton as such. I had never been there before; the extent of my knowledge of the city was that it housed one of the largest shopping malls in North America. Of course, being a shopper, upon arrival in the city I requested the company of my colleagues in an adventure to the mall. The “shopper” of the two decided to shop with me. We ended up spending almost 6 hours at the mall (my excuse is the sheer size of the mall itself). Unfortunately for us, we were so absorbed in the shopping that we forgot to check the bus schedule for the way home. By the time I realized that I should check it, the last express bus had already departed — we were going to have to take the normal bus.

Our hotel was downtown; one would expect the downtown area of any city to be bustling with activity and people. You know, the general “downtown buzz”. Not the case here. It was a ghost town. I think I saw maybe 3 people on the street the entire time I was there (and yes, I was there to experience enough of a day to say this with confidence). So there we were, on the bus home from the mall. This was where it all went downhill. Almost everyone that boarded was either high on drugs or just a little slow in relation to the rest of the world. There were people talking to themselves, talking to random other people, to the people they were with (but not allowing the other person to speak to them in return). There were mothers who ignored their possessed babies, and friends discussing the unnecessary locking up of dumpsters (which refrained them from going into them “after hours”). My colleague was so irritated that she put on her ipod at maximum volume and tried to block everyone out for the rest of the ride. I on the other hand did not have a choice but to continue to do some forced people-watching. The entire ride my only thoughts were “I really hope we make it back to the hotel before the sun sets because who knows what can happen to us if we were to walk around in the streets of downtown Cracktown at night.”

So a piece of advice to all those who are looking to visit Edmonton: don’t do it unless you have to, there’s nothing there anyways (except spend your money at a gigantic mall which has the same stores that you can find at any other metropolitan city in North America).